Blog written by Dina and translated by Jakoba Sevdal
Do you ever feel hopeless or disappointed? You thought, you expected, and you tried? It felt like you were standing over a puzzle with several bricks missing and a blurred overall picture of how to go from here? You start to wonder, if everything was for nothing.
I felt just like that resently. My heart seemed so heavy, burdened, and broken. I was so broken-hearted that I felt it stinging in my chest. All the effort and investment seemed to be for nothing. The plans I’ve started building in my mind got torn down.
For several days I’ve tried to actively distract my thoughts hoping it would make this brokenness feel less heavy. But the truth is that every time I did so, it only lasted for a little while – until I found myself again thinking of these same things.
Disappointment is disappointment, which takes time to heal. Disappointment isn’t like a puzzle needed to be solved, but more like a path that needs to be walked (out) step by step. The best way to get through this difficult journey, is to do it in fellowship with Jesus. The best way for a broken heart to find comfort is to seek refuge in Jesus.
On this specific day I made my sighs known to God and prayed that He would restore my heart. I went into the kitchen and started preparing the coffee-machine. I took a handful of coffee beans and threw them into the coffeedispenser. As the coffee was brewing I found myself observing this one coffee bean still left in my palm.
I was imagining the long journey these beans had been on in order to be her now. Grown in Kenya with an altitude of 1800 meters. Handpicket one by one, and yes, even the one bean in my palm. Then dried and transported by ship all the way to the Faroe Islands. Burned, packed, bought in the store and taken home. And now on this crossroads they were chrushed in the machine. Through these broken beans steamed living water that turned into aromatic, dark coffee. After the water had run through the system, only these broken beans were left.
With a smile on my face I was able somehow to sigh with them. They were broken and I was broken (hearted). It was as if a light was birthed before me. I saw how the Lord could work in me now, while I was broken, just like the coffee beans. The Lord could let His living water run through my brokenness and recreate something better than what it was before – for his glory. (2. Cor.12,7-10)
My prayer was now
“Lord, do your work in me, while I am still broken. Let your living water run through my brokenness and work it all together for the good. Create in me a heart better than before that will bring you more glory.”
It is not God’s plan for us, that we experience heartbreak, brokenness and get hurt by people. But God can work everything for the good of those who love him.
Romans 8; 28 says:
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (NIV)
God is able to mold us, when we are going through difficult journeys or situations. God doesn’t make the bad and evil into something good. (He isn’t the author of evil and hurt.) Evil is evil and will always stay that way. But God can indeed create in us, who are Christians a pure heart despite the evil and the injustice we experience. Just as Gud did for Joseph, when he was experiencing a big portion of injustice in his life.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. (1. Cor. 13;5-7)
And my prayer became these word:
“Lord, my heart is so brokenhearted. Lord, I surrender it to you – Lord heal it. Help me to seek peace, protection and refuge in you, when this hurt is getting to heavy to carry. Help me, Lord, to walk this difficult path together with you. But Lord may you be glorified through this brokenness and broken heart as I do so.
